A little more on the subject



I've stayed away from livejournal for months, as most of you know, but of course I just HAD to go see what the husband had to say about the big D. And I got a little jealous for a minute, cause he had all these comments posted, all public and life affirming and shit. But then I remembered how great my friends have been...the ones I've held close through everything, the ones I talk to on the phone and drink with, and smoke with, and scheme with. So really, I have nothing to be jealous about, other than that my friends haven't been PUBLIC about our love and affection for one another, and really, as I go through this messy life of mine, I prefer to keep some things hidden.
Or quiet. Or secret. Whatever you want to call it.



It's been sad around here the past few weeks, once we really had to face the cold hard truth of incompatibility and irreparably brokenness. We're not angry, just deflated, and I've definitely had a lack of wind in my sails as a result. But I pulled through this semester at school, I found a great place to live, I've been applying for jobs and internships like mad. Things are really good in a lot of ways, and I've got a lot of positives going on.



I'm in a much healthier place than I was a year and a half ago, when I was partying (too much) and feeling sorry for myself (too much). I've been doing a lot of personal processing, and hopefully getting my shit together, although only time can really prove that to be true or not. I have plans for the future, real things I want to do; I'm taking action and getting going. And hell, I'm not even 23 yet. But as I was telling a friend the other night, I've been living in fast forward for so long (thank you, Kenny Chesney) it's hard to know how to slow down a little bit and flip it over to something new and better. That's it. That's what this divorce is the beginning of. Something new...and hopefully better.



Don't get it twisted, Rob's still my buddy. He's just not my life partner. I think maybe though I'm like the cat that walks alone. That I just might walk alone.

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