Further evidence in the case "Rachael knows everybody"



I took my friend Ori to Rachael's birthday party extravaganza last night. They'd been wanting to meet each other since I'm always talking about one to the other. Well, when I went to introduce them they both squealed, "I KNOW YOU!" So much for never having met.



My birthday's tomorrow, and I think tonight I'm either a) going to let someone take me out for an insanely expensive dinner b) go to the club and find men to buy me insanely expensive drinks or c) both. Or maybe d) none of the above. I don't know yet. If anyone wants to celebrate my turning 23, give me a holla.

***

The long and the short of it



Really, the only way the marriage issue will ever be fair is if it is delegalized. That is, marriage as a legal entity ceases to exist. Because, you see, this issue of gay marriage is really an issue about legal, or state-sanctioned, marriage versus religious or spiritual marriage. Keep your laws off my fucking relationship, or some such. Word.

***

Signs Point to Yes



Lots of good things going on lately... my chi must be all balanced or something. Job offers have been pouring in, the interview this morning went soooo well and I should know if I have it or not by Monday. I really really really want it...and if wanting is getting, I'll have it.



I ran into an old schoolmate today, totally by chance, and I was able to eat lunch with her and have old memories dredged up without having a total meltdown, or even a minor one. This is a good thing; it means that I've definitely moved on with my life.



And omigod, Jim and Pam on The Office finale?!?! I figure enough time has passed that I'm not spoiling this for anyone. And McDreamy and Meredith on Grey's?!?!? How am I supposed to get through the summer not knowing how those two romances resolve?? How??

***

Who cares if I'm crazy, I've got it going on!

Or

An entry in which I brag a lot




Who made five, count them, FIVE A's???!!!??? I did! That's a 4.0 for this semester, bitches.



Who aced her job interview this evening?? I did! I start training in a few weeks.



Who has a phone interview for a certain governmental internship position tomorrow morning?? I do! This could really get me on the political power track I so desperately crave.



Man. Things are really looking super awesome alright. And my Maymester class started today, and I'm in it with my girl Ori, and I have a total teacher crush on the professor. Life is good!

***

Less talk, more rock




Me: I have to go to my friend's going away party tonight and after today I don't really feel like it. I'm sick of dealing with people. Plus the last time he had a party at his house I set his trash can on fire, so I have to be on good behavior.


J: How'd you set his trash can on fire?


L: Smoking. Threw a cigarette in it, right?


Me: It was sitting outside, and I'd had a few drinks, and it was full of all this paper, so I set it on fire.

J: (alarmed) Oh! So you set it on fire on purpose! (long pause) Well.



The above exchange occurred at work today, and has apprently sealed my fate as "that crazy chick you don't want to fuck with cause she's crazy." I was a little bit hurt by the judgemental, wide-eyed, slightly fearful looks my three coworkers gave me. I mean, I'm not crazy, right? Anyone would set their friend's trash can on fire, if it was outside and full of paper and they'd had a few frozen daquiris on top of a couple beers, right? Right?




This kept nagging me the whole way home; up until now, in fact. I was trying to take a quick disco nap a few minutes ago, and couldn't fall asleep, the thought that people think I'm some crazy unstable chick eating at my piece of mind. I'd never given it too much thought before; in fact, I'd long cultivated a less talk, more rock image, lest people think I was all talk and no action. Because, damnit, I'm nothing if not action. Nothing wrong with that; perhaps the world would be a less fucked up place if there were more doers rocking and less talkers talking.




But then I started reviewing some of my more notorious moments, those times from my past that always come back to haunt me. ("You're the girl who could name everyone in the motherfucker!") When viewed in a line up all together, one right after another, they are pretty damning. And it was kind of a shock, that I give off this aura of instability that is completely, 100% justified in terms of what most people see. I know all that's going on upstairs, but most people don't know all that. They just see some girl hanging off a balcony New Year's Eve, or vindictively throwing her boyfriend's clothes out the window, or fucking her roomate's boyfriend just to piss her off. I mean, that is serious unstable stuff. That is cart-her-ass-off-to-Milledgeville crazy. But only when taken completely out of context, back to back to back. These things, in reality, are merely minor blips on my little life radar, just one thing in a long line of more mundane things. Everyone worth knowing has those knockout moments that always stand out in everyone's mind, and I think mine just make me a little more interesting than most.





But I can definitely see how people think I'm crazy.

***

A little more on the subject



I've stayed away from livejournal for months, as most of you know, but of course I just HAD to go see what the husband had to say about the big D. And I got a little jealous for a minute, cause he had all these comments posted, all public and life affirming and shit. But then I remembered how great my friends have been...the ones I've held close through everything, the ones I talk to on the phone and drink with, and smoke with, and scheme with. So really, I have nothing to be jealous about, other than that my friends haven't been PUBLIC about our love and affection for one another, and really, as I go through this messy life of mine, I prefer to keep some things hidden.
Or quiet. Or secret. Whatever you want to call it.



It's been sad around here the past few weeks, once we really had to face the cold hard truth of incompatibility and irreparably brokenness. We're not angry, just deflated, and I've definitely had a lack of wind in my sails as a result. But I pulled through this semester at school, I found a great place to live, I've been applying for jobs and internships like mad. Things are really good in a lot of ways, and I've got a lot of positives going on.



I'm in a much healthier place than I was a year and a half ago, when I was partying (too much) and feeling sorry for myself (too much). I've been doing a lot of personal processing, and hopefully getting my shit together, although only time can really prove that to be true or not. I have plans for the future, real things I want to do; I'm taking action and getting going. And hell, I'm not even 23 yet. But as I was telling a friend the other night, I've been living in fast forward for so long (thank you, Kenny Chesney) it's hard to know how to slow down a little bit and flip it over to something new and better. That's it. That's what this divorce is the beginning of. Something new...and hopefully better.



Don't get it twisted, Rob's still my buddy. He's just not my life partner. I think maybe though I'm like the cat that walks alone. That I just might walk alone.

***

There's no good way to put this, so here it is: Rob and I are getting a divorce.