Less talk, more rock




Me: I have to go to my friend's going away party tonight and after today I don't really feel like it. I'm sick of dealing with people. Plus the last time he had a party at his house I set his trash can on fire, so I have to be on good behavior.


J: How'd you set his trash can on fire?


L: Smoking. Threw a cigarette in it, right?


Me: It was sitting outside, and I'd had a few drinks, and it was full of all this paper, so I set it on fire.

J: (alarmed) Oh! So you set it on fire on purpose! (long pause) Well.



The above exchange occurred at work today, and has apprently sealed my fate as "that crazy chick you don't want to fuck with cause she's crazy." I was a little bit hurt by the judgemental, wide-eyed, slightly fearful looks my three coworkers gave me. I mean, I'm not crazy, right? Anyone would set their friend's trash can on fire, if it was outside and full of paper and they'd had a few frozen daquiris on top of a couple beers, right? Right?




This kept nagging me the whole way home; up until now, in fact. I was trying to take a quick disco nap a few minutes ago, and couldn't fall asleep, the thought that people think I'm some crazy unstable chick eating at my piece of mind. I'd never given it too much thought before; in fact, I'd long cultivated a less talk, more rock image, lest people think I was all talk and no action. Because, damnit, I'm nothing if not action. Nothing wrong with that; perhaps the world would be a less fucked up place if there were more doers rocking and less talkers talking.




But then I started reviewing some of my more notorious moments, those times from my past that always come back to haunt me. ("You're the girl who could name everyone in the motherfucker!") When viewed in a line up all together, one right after another, they are pretty damning. And it was kind of a shock, that I give off this aura of instability that is completely, 100% justified in terms of what most people see. I know all that's going on upstairs, but most people don't know all that. They just see some girl hanging off a balcony New Year's Eve, or vindictively throwing her boyfriend's clothes out the window, or fucking her roomate's boyfriend just to piss her off. I mean, that is serious unstable stuff. That is cart-her-ass-off-to-Milledgeville crazy. But only when taken completely out of context, back to back to back. These things, in reality, are merely minor blips on my little life radar, just one thing in a long line of more mundane things. Everyone worth knowing has those knockout moments that always stand out in everyone's mind, and I think mine just make me a little more interesting than most.





But I can definitely see how people think I'm crazy.

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